Relationship Advice

Purnell's 9th graders have spent time learning about relationships.  Read our most recent blog post to learn more about building strong relationships, healthy and unhealthy relationships, relational aggression, how technology affects relationships, and how Purnell helps girls build strong relationships.

How do you build strong friendships?
To build a strong friendship be honest, listen to one another and keep lines of communication open. If you have something to tell your friend, you should tell her instead of just keeping it to yourself or else you will have some sort of conflict going on.  Even if something is difficult to say, it's important to be honest if something's bothering you.  True friends may fight or get mad or have difficult things going on, but it's important to always be able to talk honestly about their issues. 


Friends should be able to give helpful advice and keep promises and secrets.  This helps build trust and respect for each other.  Show you won't let the other person down by always making good decisions about what you say and don't say.  Over time, mutual respect will develop.  Strong relationships are reciprocal, which means that there should be equal give and take.  Sometimes there's more give than take, and people contribute different strengths to each relationships, but good friends have empathy and patience for each other.

Friends may share interests, or have opposite personalities, and you may only do certain activities with certain friends.  It's important to know who you can go to with various needs you may have.

What are the characteristics of ANY healthy relationship?

Characteristics of a healthy relationship consist of care, consideration, and trust.  Strong, healthy relationships need to be reciprocal, which means that both people need to benefit from and contribute to the relationship.  Healthy relationships are important in life because you always need someone to lean on and someone you can trust in your life.  Healthy relationships should make you feel happy, strong, and fulfilled.  Purnell helps build healthy relationships because it is small and it is not hard to find a group of people who have the same interest as you.  At Purnell, it's easier to get to know people on a deeper level, and you know your acquaintances well, too. 

How can relationships become unhealthy? 
Relationships can be unhealthy when there is physical or verbal violence, dishonesty, or if you're too attached (or dependent on someone).  It is not a good sign when someone makes you feel guilty or bad about yourself a lot.  Unhealthy relationships are dangerous because they can make you lose your self-esteem or encourage you to make unhealthy choices.  You can feel used or unloved in unhealthy relationships.  Unhealthy relationships are one-sided, and you might be only giving rather than giving AND taking.  Sometimes people ignore their responsibilities, family, and other friends when they're in unhealthy relationships.

How can I help someone in an unhealthy relationship? 
If someone you know is in an unhealthy relationship you can help her by first talking to her about how much she has changed because of the unhealthy relationship.  Explain your concerns, and describe how healthy relationships should be.  Realize that your friend may get angry at you or not understand right away.  Be patient, don't yell, and prepared to have this conversation more than once.  Avoid talking to others or gossiping about this friend.  You may eventually have to let this friend go if she ignores your relationship too much and it's no longer reciprocal.  If your friend is in real danger, or if it seems like it's too big of a problem for you to solve, speak to a trusted adult who can help you or your friend.

How can the internet and technology positively impact relationships?

The internet can help relationships by giving you a simpler way to keep in touch. It can also be a way to make new friends. There are many ways that you can use technology, not only appropriately, but to your advantage. The first way is networking. Networking is an important skill to learn especially when looking for internships and jobs. Another way that you can use the internet is to learn more information and find new ways to express it. It is a great way to express your creativity and ideas.  You can get to know new people by using social media. You can keep old relationships strong by maintaining contact with people who may live far away through texting, email, and social networking sites.

How can the internet and technology negatively impact relationships?
The internet can also hinder relationships.  You have to be very careful about NOT giving out information or developing relationships with people you don't know online.

You can become dependent on short, impersonal, or shallow communication rather than having deep conversations with friends or spending quality time together.  People can more easily say nasty and evil things on the internet than in person.  Because people don't have to see a person's reaction to relational aggression, they may find it easier to say mean or inappropriate things.  It is also easier to be anonymous online, so people can say mean things without being identified.  Sometimes it's impossible to understand someone's tone or sarcasm when emailing or texting, which can also cause misunderstandings. 

It's important to pretend that you're talking to someone in person when you use technology to communicate so you have empathy for that person.  It will also help you avoid saying anything that you'll regret.  It's also important to remember that when something is emailed, texted, or put on facebook, anyone could see it and it may exist forever.

What is relational aggression? 

Relational aggression is when a person or group of people target another person (or group of people) by saying mean things, excluding her from activities, gossiping about her, or purposely hurting her feelings.  This can happen in person, online, and even without saying anything at all.  Being the target of relational aggression feels lonely, it seems like no one cares, and you feel like you're the only person on the planet being targeted. Almost everyone has been aggressive at one point or another because sometimes people get so overwhelmed that they express it through aggression instead of controlling it in a constructive manor.  Almost everyone knows what it feels like to be a target as well.  When aggression goes on through a for a long period of time it can turn into bullying.

A bystander is a person who watches relational aggression but doesn't do anything about what is going on.  Even though someone who watches isn't being aggressive, she supports the behavior because she's doing nothing.

Power behavior is having the courage to stand up for or with someone who is a target of relational aggression.  Examples of this are leaving the room when someone is gossiping, telling someone to stop making fun of someone else, asking someone to sit with you in the dining hall, privately telling a person that you support her after you witness others targeting her, and telling an adult if you see repeated relational aggression.

There is less relational aggression at Purnell than there are at public schools.  It is not tolerated here.  There are lots of support networks with teachers, advisors, and dorm parents, and there are lots ways to make friends.  We are less concerned about impressing others because at Purnell there are only girls.  There is less focus on how people look or if they're cool or not.  Everyone gets to know everyone else, so if there's ever a problem or rumor it can get resolved easily.  We try to focus on the strengths and positive aspects of others, so we know our classmates on a deeper level.

Our First Month At Purnell

Ariel

My first month at Purnell has been good so far. I still am getting used to not going home every day.  I trust that my friends will help me if I am down, and they will help me grow to the person I am to be in the future. The best thing about Purnell so far is that they focus on your goals and help you achieve to the person you want to be. Also I have learned to be considerate of others, use common sense, and to keep the bathroom clean so other people can use it too. The advice I would give to a new 9th grader at Purnell would be respect people and to keep your room and homework organized, also don’t be afraid to ask your advisor or big sister or any returning student any questions. I haven’t been homesick at all; I only have had grief because I lost someone this past summer.

Alison

My month passed very quickly but it feels like I haven’t been home for an entire year.  One  thing I haven’t gotten used to is getting less sleep!  I was a little worried because I left a few things at home by accident.  I’m still a little homesick sometimes, but everybody new here can make their homesickness better by keeping their thoughts on Purnell, school work, and new experiences. I learned that my advisor does her best to make my year here educational, fun, and unstressful. Phones can be distracting, that’s why the school takes them away for the first few weeks so we can adjust better and make new friends, rather than texting our friends and family from home. The one thing that I love about this place are the pets. They’re super friendly and it just makes this place a friendly environment and reminds me of my pet at home.  Think of a goal you want to accomplish before coming here. Everybody does their best to give you the best and manageable education you need.

Amira

I have spent a fabulous month at Purnell. At first the transition to Purnell seemed difficult, but in time, I have become used to life here. Move-in day was good. I felt very connected to the other new girls and welcomed. I luckily was not homesick. I have learned how to use the student bank by going to the main office on Wednesdays or on Fridays.  I have also learned how to compromise with my roommates about when we go to sleep, and where things go.  Lastly I have learned more about myself as a learning student, what I need from my teachers and what environment I need to be in to excel. My advice for new students is to come with a positive attitude, and be welcome to change. The best things about Purnell are the friends you make, and the teachers who are always there for you.

Devin

My month at Purnell has been great. I’ve transitioned to life here at Purnell very well. Move-in day was one of the hardest days of my life, because it’s hard to say good bye to your parents but it was the best decision of my life to say good bye and be here. The three most important things I've learned here is number one be yourself. Another thing I've learned is use common sense, and to trust people. The most important piece of advice I can give to any new freshman is the first day will be tough for some people but you will get over it.  Just be yourself, and you will make a lot of new friends that you feel like you’ve known forever. The best thing about Purnell is that everyone cares about you and wants to help you focus on your goals and your needs.

 

Emily

Well, time has passed very quickly during my month at Purnell. It all felt very magical. My first day at Purnell I was very scared. The school was full of native English speakers. Obviously, my English is not as good as theirs. I found some students that were from the same country as I am. They were friendly and nice. I liked to hang out with them. We shared food with each other. When I had trouble, they helped me immediately. I felt so warm when they helped me. Purnell has a lot of activities. I attended a Yoga class this semester. It makes me feel healthy and strong. The teacher who teaches Yoga is very patient. She always has a smile on her face and looks very warm.  Sometime I have felt homesick. My big sister helped me a lot. She told me the rules of what I should do or should not do at Purnell. I feel happy when I'm at Purnell. I like the climate at Purnell.  It's just like a big family. 

Emma

My month has been full of ups and downs. There has been times when I loved being here and times when I wanted to leave. I personally believe that these feelings will come and go throughout the year. My transition has been fairly easy because I am used to being away from home. I have learned a lot about myself and the others around me and will continue growing in these ways. Move-in day was a breeze, as my peers and the faculty members were welcoming towards me. My advice to an incoming freshman is to take in feedback from others and respect what the upperclassmen have to say. Also, stay organized in order to be on time to things. If you fail to do this, you will probably earn “crew." On crew you have to clean up after dinner. From experience, I can easily say that this is not fun, but that helps you remember to stay on track in the future.  Be confident in yourself and trust what people say and most importantly, keep an open mind.

Esme

My first month at Purnell has been going great. It seems like it goes by slowly until you look back on it. I really haven’t been all that homesick yet, which is great. During move in day it was easy. The most important things that I have learned is how to make friends with and solve problems with girls, learning to live with someone, and getting over drama. Someone else who is coming into 9th grade should get ready for an amazing change and meeting friends that will honestly last a life time.

Hanna

My first month at Purnell has been going well. I feel it’s going pretty fast but if I think of the first day that we moved in, I feel it was like a year ago. I don’t think I have been homesick yet, which is good thing. I think one of the most important things that I've learned is how to deal with people who have different personalities. Especially since Purnell is a boarding school, it’s so important to handle and solve problems if there’s any. I think I learned a little bit of the way to control myself to not make any conflicts with other people as much as I can. The advice I would give to a new Purnell student is to clean your room every Tuesday afternoon so you pass white gloves inspection!

Huan

This month is so crazy but so not bad. At first the school life was very hard for me, because  English is not my first language.  Sometimes I can’t understand at all, and this feeling makes me so strained.  I really don’t like this feeling, but now I feel much better than before.  My English is improving. In this month I have learned many things unlike anything I’ve learned from China.  I learned how to have a good relationship with people from different backgrounds. Also I learned how to use my American mindset to think about the questions teachers ask me, and I’ve made many new friends from different countries. But remembering people’s names still is hard for me.  Here I also learned how to live and study without boys.  I like it here because it’s  much better than my old school. 

Kadrea

Residing at Purnell there are a few thing to take in into consideration.  Every person has different personalities and sometimes personalities conflict. Knowing how to deal with these confrontations is vital in order to understand how to work with people in general. The students that come to Purnell are from all around the world. There are situations where people will have to compromise with other people because of the different cultures and world views.   For example, roommates my compromise and make sure they are quiet at certain times of day based on what the other person's needs are.  Lastly, time management is vital because many people enjoy having spare time to socialize. If time is managed correctly and efficiently then there will be a surplus of spare time here at Purnell.

Krishawna

 The month I’ve spent at Purnell has been good, despite the roller coaster of emotions I’ve been on. To be honest, it was very hard for me to transition to living at Purnell. This is because I am very close to my family and friends and it was hard for me to leave one part of my life behind. I overcame my homesickness by surrounding myself with good friends who are very positive and helpful. Another good thing to do is have friends that are various different ages and have a range of personalities because you will get different opinions and advice.

One of the most important things you need to learn in the first month is compromise and problem solving. Living with all girls is extremely hard especially as teenagers. The hardest part about Purnell is there are absolutely NO BOYS! Yikes! this aspect of the school is one that I am still adjusting to. My whole life, my group of friends has been predominately boys, so it is extremely hard for me to be without them.  I will say that the school tries to give you opportunities to see boys often. My advice to you is to be social and put yourself out there. introduce yourself, insight a conversations, and ultimately just be yourself, you will meet people by just having fun.  Since I am a 5 day boarder, I have to constantly fill out permission slips. On Wednesdays, we can go out to dinner with our families. if you are leaving campus to go out to eat, you must fill out a meal permission. This is extremely important because if you don't, you may not leave. Another permission that is crucial is weekend permissions. I will have the opportunity to leave most weekends, so filling out a permission helps the school know where I'm going and when I'm leaving. The process is really easy...the hard part is remembering to do it!  There are so many great things about Purnell. One of my favorite things is how everyone are friends. My group of friends ranges in age, style, beliefs, and personality. It makes it so much fun. Another great thing is everyone is always willing to help you out because no one wants to see anyone fail. Purnell is a excellent establishment for girls. I can honestly say that i am really starting to love it and I can’t imagine myself going anywhere else.

Lucy

My first month has been very enjoyable so far. There have been lots of fun new things especially in the first week. One of the main things that's the most different would be being away from home as much as we are.  You do miss your parents and your old friends but you do become used to it and calling your parents does help.  Once you make friends here they make you feel much better and less home sick.  Also when we go home for the weekends we can see our parents and friends.  Some of the things that are great about Purnell are the classes.  They are very fun and the teachers make me excited to learn.  We play games a lot, especially in Algebra 1.  It might seem scary to start new classes and not know how hard they are going to be and how much homework you will have.  I can remember this when I started at Purnell but the teachers are very supportive and there is something called office hours each day where you can finish missed work.  This is very helpful and most of the time if you do finish it does not count as a missed homework in our grades.  Boarding school has many ups and downs but if you stick with it and work hard it could be one of the greatest experiences of your life.

Minjoo

I've had a great time at Purnell so far. I have many friends and I have learned how to live with other people. I have learned not only during classes, but also the wisdom of life, like school rule and how to solve problems. Although I live without my parents, I have not been homesick. If someone starts 9th grade at Purnell, I would tell her about the importance of school rules. It's not hard to keep the school rules, as they are common manners. The best thing of Purnell is security of dorm. Someone who has keys can enter the dorm.

Nalah

My month was filled with learning. I have learned many things I would have never learned if I went to my public school in my town. I was very comfortable with moving in because I had a really good roommate and we connected instantly, and my family supported me through the whole process. I honestly didn't have any homesickness because I'm always with my parents and being apart from them was kind of a relief. I did have homesickness being away from my friends because during the summer we were constantly hanging out during the weekends and I've known them for my whole life. Since I've been at Purnell I've learned many things but the four most important things I've learned are that you should not spread your self too thin, always do the things that you are interested in but don't over work yourself, don't procrastinate, and have fun. I wasn't sure if i wanted to go to a boarding but now that I'm here I'm glad.  The best advice I can give is stay strong and don't let people get in your way of doing what you want. The best things about Purnell is honestly the family environment. Everyone gets along great here.